How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

 Posted on January 05, 2025 in Divorce

Falling out of love in a marriage after a honeymoon period is not an uncommon phenomenon. The realization that things simply are not working can come as a shock, launching you into a crisis. Divorce is a sensitive subject, and it should be broached with care. You should brace for the possibility that your spouse will not react well. But ultimately, it is a conversation that cannot be avoided if you want to move forward with your life.

It warrants mentioning that if your spouse has a history of domestic violence, or if you have any reason to fear retaliation from your spouse, you should prioritize your own safety and take legal measures to protect yourself. A Naperville, IL family law attorney at Pesce Law Group, P.C. can help you plan for divorce, working towards a solution for the proper dissolution of your marriage.

Find an Appropriate Setting

The best place to break the news about your intent to divorce your spouse is somewhere private and comfortable. This might take place in your home, or a neutral spot like a local cafe, although the last thing you want is to cause a spectacle where you can feel the pressure of onlookers.

However, you might need to consider choosing a spot with an easy exit if tensions boil over. If you do not feel comfortable broaching the subject by yourself, you might consider bringing up the subject with a counselor or therapist present – just make sure to tell the counselor of your intent beforehand.

Be Honest

The first question that comes out of your spouse’s mouth will likely be "Why?" You should be prepared to answer your spouse as honestly as you can. At the same time, try to avoid accusatory statements that add fuel to the fire. Try to frame your explanation in terms of your feelings, rather than your partner’s actions. A vague explanation will only elicit more questions, so it is best to be direct about why you want to end the marriage.

Discuss What’s Next

Once the air has been cleared, discussing how you want to handle your divorce can be highly productive. If you and your spouse can agree on how to divide up property and allocate spousal support, you may not have to involve anyone else aside from a judge, who must give final approval on the settlement.

If you have some concerns about whether you and your spouse can reach an agreement on your own, you can propose mediation or collaborative law to keep your divorce out of court. Discussions about child custody are especially important, and even if things are tense between you and your spouse, you should strive to set aside your differences for the best interests of your children.
If you can find no common ground with your spouse, you may have to litigate a contested divorce in court. Should this come to pass, a divorce attorney at Pesce Law Group, P.C. can fiercely advocate for your needs in front of a judge. Keep in mind that you only need to cite "irreconcilable differences" as a reason for divorce, as Illinois does not accept grounds for fault-based dissolution of marriage.

Meet With a DuPage County, IL Divorce Lawyer

Divorce can be painful, but it is often necessary for the wellness of everyone involved. A Naperville, IL family law attorney at Pesce Law Group, P.C. can help bring your marriage to a close, whether it involves intense litigation or settling outside of court. To schedule a free consultation today, call our offices at 630-352-2240.