Tips for Handling Conflict Between You and Your Ex

 Posted on October 26, 2015 in Divorce

When it comes to co-parenting, communication is the key to everything. Maintaining an amicable relationship with your ex can be extremely trying at times, but communicating about all things child-related is necessary for the well being of your children. For you, however, speaking with your ex, or even texting them, can be challenging if the two of you are fighting. Handling a conflict between you and your ex is difficult. You may still be facing various leftover emotions from your divorce: pain, anger, hurt, frustration, and sadness. While letting go of those emotions is tough, resolving and moving past conflicts with your ex is the easiest way to make your life feel normal again.

Be Self Aware

No matter what face you put on when you see your ex, if you are still holding on to frustrations and anger from your divorce, those feelings will come through in your conversations. The first step in resolving conflict with your ex is processing your own emotions. How can you expect your ex to be friendly if you are holding on to anger? Work on forgiving, or at the very least, acknowledge that letting go of your negativity will make things easier for you.

If forgiving your ex is too hard, practice positivity for your children’s sake. Children who grow up in high conflict households tend to experience emotional trauma, so doing your part to stop fighting with your spouse is necessary. Liking, caring for, or enjoying the company of your ex is not at all necessary. You do not need to like your ex to end your battle with them. You do, however, need to respect them as the other parent of your children, and treat them as such. The sooner both you and your ex can reach a place of respect and understanding, the better.

Compromise

Remember that you do not always need to win an argument with your spouse. Simply finding a compromise that works for both of you will help you quickly move on from the issue. Set aside your pride, and focus on agreeing to decisions that are in the best interest of your kids.

Avoid Conflict

If you are doing your part, and keeping your conversations with your ex positive, and you are still struggling with conflict, consider alternate methods of communication. Texting, emailing, or even a phone call can be easier than a face-to-face interaction. There are even downloadable apps available that are built to help co-parents with communicating. If a face-to-face conversation is unavoidable, do your best to stay on topic. If at any point the conversation seems to be heading in a wrong direction, towards discussing your marriage or unresolved feelings, try to direct the conversation back to the original topic. If that does not work, ending the conversation and removing yourself from the situation may be your best option.

Prioritize Your Children

Your children are the most important thing to keep in mind through all of this. For their sake, do your best to maintain a positive relationship with your ex. Avoid undermining them, especially in front of your children. You do not need to like every choice your ex makes, but you do need to respect that they are the other parent of your children and do not deserve to be criticized for every little thing.

The wounds from your divorce may take years to heal, but things will get easier. Any time dealing with your ex becomes difficult, remind yourself that your goal is the well-being of your children. If you are still in the midst of a divorce, or considering a divorce, a qualified Naperville, IL divorce attorney is available to assist you. Contact the Pesce Law Group today at 630-352-2240 to schedule a consultation with an experienced lawyer.

Sources:

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/conflictresolution/tp/exconflict.htm

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/369