How to Tell Your Kids About Your Divorce

 Posted on November 15, 2017 in Divorce

If you are a parent who is considering a divorce, you probably have a thousand worries and questions. How will the divorce affect my children? Will the kids think the divorce is their fault? How can I explain to my children that their parents are no longer going to be married? While there is no one perfect way to tell your children that their parents are splitting up, experts do have some guidelines that can help make the process of telling your children about the divorce go as painlessly as possible.

Vikki Stark, psychologist and author, has interviewed over 100 children and adults about what it was like hearing that their parents were getting divorced. Through these conversations, Stark learned how parents can best break the news to their children in an age-appropriate and compassionate way. She suggests that you do your best to:

• Keep your emotions in check: Understandably, telling your children that you are going to divorce is an emotional conversation. It is reasonable that you will feel nervous, sad, and overwhelmed. However, children often mimic behavior of adults—especially their parents. So, if you are calm and collected when sharing the news, it will help your children also feel calm and comforted;
• Present a united front: If possible, tell your kids about the divorce along with their other parent. This reassures the children that both of their parents still care about them and will continue be involved in their lives. However, if your spouse has a history of abuse or it is unsafe for them to be involved in the conversation, do not include him or her;
• Explain what they should expect in the future: If you and your spouse have agreed to share parenting responsibilities, explain to the children that they will be spending some time with their mother and some time with their father. If you have decided on living arrangements, tell the children which parent is staying in the home and which is relocating. Reassure the children that you as parents still love them and will continue to care for them in the future;
• Only share appropriate information: Children do not need to know the specific details as to why a marriage broke down. Information about cheating, affairs, financial issues, and other adult topics should not be shared with the children. Older children and teens may have a better understanding of the situation, sharing personal details is still not necessary; and
• Avoid bad-talking the other parent: Most people who divorce have feelings of animosity or anger toward their spouse. You may have been really hurt by the actions of the other parent, but complaining about this to your children will not help you or them feel any better. In fact, it could make things much worse.

If you are considering divorce, you do not have to navigate the process alone. Contact an experienced DuPage County family law attorney to get help you need. Call 630-352-2240 for a confidential consultation today.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201509/how-tell-the-kids-you-re-getting-divorced

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-rozen/telling-children-about-divorce_b_3351936.html